Girl Power? Another look at the force behind VAW

I recently read an article by Newsweek about a mother in Canada who murdered her three daughters for being too “westernized.”  The question that has been haunting me ever since is, what could bring a mother to kill her own daughters, never mind three of them.  About a week and a half ago, the Armed RevolutioKnits yarn-bombed the 5Cs to spread awareness about violence against women (VAW).  While I do hope that our tags spread awareness about VAW, as well as increased dialogue about the issue, I feel I still need to address a question that I’ve been reflecting on: If VAW is acknowledged by many to be a violation of not only women’s rights, but also human rights, what is the reasoning behind those fervently defending various forms of VAW?

VAW affects females in all spectrums, irrespective of race, age, class, beliefs, values, or region.  Furthermore, it impacts more than just the women it is committed against.  VAW harms families, communities, and even economies.  When looked at through an economic stance, VAW costs billions in terms of counseling, medical treatment, and legal costs.  Moreover, VAW is known to also hinder the economic development of a country or state, according to the World Bank.  So, the reasoning behind those still supporting VAW couldn’t be the, ‘it’s not going to affect me, why should I care’ mentality.  If you believe VAW is not going to happen to you, it probably still will, at least in the sense that because it happens to someone, it will definitely affect some part of your life, whether you realize it or not.

So, what is their reasoning?  What is the basis for their argument?  In one word: Culture.  I do agree that cultures are valuable, and should remain diverse and retain their traditions, especially in such a quickly globalizing world.  Culture is something to take ownership of, and to be proud of.  But on the other hand, can, or should, anyone be proud to have VAW as a vital tradition or custom?

This is also one of the reasons why I was so shocked that a mother would kill her own daughters.  And, this is certainly not the first time that female family members, or even non-related older women, have verbally abused, punished, or beat Muslim girls in order to pressure them to submit.  Sins can even include wearing jeans, or just talking to boys.  But women being against other women?  What could motivate this kind of act?

Asra Q. Nomani of Newsweek suggests that women who perpetuate abuse against other women grew up “suffocating under the same rigidity and dogmatism they are now trying to enforce upon the next generation.” As the abused becomes the abuser, they simply repeat what they know—not being able to see their acts as a crime.

What people often forget to realize is how culture changes, and evolves over time, as different views come to challenge sets of beliefs and customs.  I strongly believe people have the right to protect and uphold their own cultures.  But more importantly, I believe that women have the right to not be subject to violence.  When culture compromises basic human rights, things need to change.  As Beata Zpevakova clearly states in an article for Gender Across Borders, “Prenatal sex selection, child marriage, dowry–related violence, early or forced marriages, wife inheritance, sati (the burning of a widow on the funeral pyre of her husband) or maltreatment of widows are just a few of the practices that are commonly justified by culture- all of which violate a woman’s rights.”

By restricting women’s rights, you also restrict what, or rather who, women are.  What is the real motive behind VAW, justified by “culture”?  I’m starting to think “culture” is just another excuse, or façade for what the actual agenda is: keeping women in their “traditional” places: controlled, inferior, and most important, silent.

Speak out, let me know your thoughts on the issue.



What everyone should have the right to know

Violence against women is underreported—not only in the stats, but also in our society in general.  The sad truth is, it is a story that has happened so often, that in most cases, it doesn’t hit the newspapers, or appear visible in any way to the public and society.  The issue is ugly, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist—it is simply concealed in the shadows.  And maybe you think it won’t happen to you, but it still doesn’t mean that it’s O.K. if it happens to someone else.  The forms of abuse can vary greatly, be it physical or emotional, or psychological or sexual abuse.  Women (and also men) need to know what they have a right to.  Everyone has a right to be treated with respect.  Respect for their body, their opinions, beliefs, thoughts, and actions, among other items.  You have a right to be valued. You have a right to say no. To change your mind. You have the right to decide not to kiss someone. To not feel obligated to go home with someone, even if they bought you a drink.  To fool around, but not have sex. You do have the right to refuse to have sex without a condom. To leave a relationship. To be assertive. To keep your friends. Now I don’t want anyone to misunderstand me.  I’m NOT telling you what you should or shouldn’t do.  Considering the prevalent hookup culture of the 5Cs, it is a reality that many people will be having fun in college.  As long as that fun remains fun, there shouldn’t be a problem.  However, it is also very possible to be caught in certain situations that you may or may not feel comfortable in—and for those cases you should know that you are a valuable person who deserves to be respected, and are not obligated to do anything you don’t want to do.

If you are currently in an abusive relationship or situation, please tell a friend, relative, or contact local help, such as: and